Cameron quakes as Tony returns to tear up the Tories

In Politics on March 30, 2010 at 3:48 pm

Well it had to happen sooner or later. The ghost of (recent) Labour past finally found some spare time away from having his photo taken with his fans for a couple of hundred quid a throw and spoke to the great unwashed of the perils of voting for Dastardly Dave Cameron and his posh pals come election day.

Yep, the old vicar of St Albion himself, Tony Blair, entered the fray and spoke to his former constituents in the North East seat of Sedgefield. The venue was the Trimdon Labour club, where he loves to give a speech or two – but his guns were trained further south on Dastardly Dave and his simpering sidekick “Boy” George Osborne.

It was classic Blair – and an almost sad reminder of how great his political skills are. Tarnished eternally by his foreign follies, but still capable of striking fear into the hearts of the opponents he left behind, the former prime minister tore up the Tories.

You almost wish he’d be given free rein to do what Al Gore didn’t wouldn’t let Bill Clinton do to his (and the world’s) cost in 2000 and actively hit the campaign trail.

Maybe the speech itself contained the answer to that query. We had to wait until word 413 of a 2,766 oration before we heard him say “Gordon”. Up until then, and a fair bit beyond it was all about the benefits Tony brought the country. In fact, Gordon gets a mention a mere FOUR times.

The sign-off reminds us of why we lapped up the 10-year tiff that was life in Downing Street with the Blair/Brown show.

“This country faces big challenges in the future.  I want this party to be the one able to meet those challenges.
This country needs strong leadership. I want our leadership to be the one that gives it,” he told the adoring faithful (although we only have the local media’s word for that – everyone else was barred).

Note he says Britain needs “our leadership”. It doesn’t say Britain needs the leadership of “that brooding, bullying, bruising, belligerent, bad-tempered bastard I had to live next door to.  I wouldn’t wish that on the Taliban”. He’s effectively laying down a marker for any challenger to get off his hind legs when the time comes.

It’s also hard to gauge quite how Gordon himself is viewing this “helpful” intervention by Blair (no doubt the brainchild of Peter Mandelson). He could well be saying (in tones of a disgruntled child) “Ohhhhh do I have to? I thought I was prime minister Ok, let’s get it out the way early.” A bit like eating all the nasty vegetables on your plate before the fish fingers.

Or he could well think it’s time to give Cameron a good swift kick in the groin now while he and his party wobble on economic policy, especially as “Boy” George looks to be in big trouble on the credibility front.

It’s no secret that Cameron modelled himself on the great Blair. In fact he told a dinner hosted by The Daily Telegraph a few years back during a Conservative Party conference: “I am the new Tony Blair.” He was politely informed by his hosts that uttering such things in public might not the brightest idea.

Cameron is lite, trite and shite. Not the sort of thing Britain needs inside number 10. Gordon is, well, let’s just say he’s not lite or trite, and leave the matter there, ok?

But spare a thought for poor old Nick Clegg. He didn’t even rate a mention in the speech –  and Tony hates LibDems. It might be time for young Nick to step up to the plate and start playing like a grown up. It’s all very well making gooey eyes at the other two saying: “Come get me boys.”, but that’s gonna wear thin after a while. Time to put on your long pants Nicky boy, you’re playing with the big boys now and whatever happens they’ll kick your bum all around the playground if you don’t stand up to them now, “kingmaker” or not.

It’s the least the voters deserve.


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