Who will brush aside the bull, and make us believe?

In Politics on April 7, 2010 at 6:03 pm

Day one of the battle and we know one thing for sure – whatever it is that Britain needs after May 6 it has to be BIG.

Apparently the election is a choice between a BIG society and BIG government. So, in the Sesame Street spirit of education, today’s blog is brought to you by the letter “B” (hum the tune in your head – can’t risk the copyright infringement here).

B is for Brown, Gordon to be exact. Broody, Belligerent, Bad-tempered. Today he told us Britain needs a new constitution, and cleaner government if any new administration is to have a legitimate democratic mandate for change.

This means no outside lobbying jobs for MPs. Is it just me, or was the “expose” of Pat Hewitt, Stephen Byers and Geoff Hoon’s “cab for hire” activities a liiiiitttttle bit of a stitch up given it came not long after the attempt by Hoon and Hewitt (one Aussie export you’re welcome to keep) to unseat Gordon?

Apologies for the detour just then. Brown also wants to give 16 year-olds the vote, so no doubt there’ll soon be a Facebook page on that. Teaching them to read and write might be a better place to start.

Meanwhile, posh boy Dave Cameron keeps telling he needs to be elected so he can fix Broken Britain. We don’t quite know how he’s going to do that, apart from screwing poorly-paid civil servants. Oh and he wants to help married couples too, so that should make everything Better.

Of course, a lot of people who have suddenly found themselves on Benefit as a result of the recession might well ask what is going to be done to control the Bastards, known more generally as Bankers, who helped to Bugger-up the economy and seemed quite content to take a taxpayer Bailout to generate Billions and pay the Bosses massive, Bonuses. Is anyone going to have the Balls to curb this excessive behaviour?

As the campaign drags on, you could be forgiven for thinking that all these guys are talking…

Bollocks, something we’ll be hearing a lot of in the next few weeks, from politicians and from media “experts” telling us of conversations with “sources close” to whoever is in the frame on the day. All this will leave us neck-deep in Bullshit –  I think it was one of US TV chat show legend Johnny Carson’s joke writers who once penned: “It’s that time of year where the politicians are speaking what we’re all shovelling around our rose bushes.”

B is also for Bruising – we can’t wait for the gloves to come off and for the Big Boys to really start swinging those punches Below the Belt.

They say politics is a jungle full of Big Beasts. One of the biggest, Tony Blair,  has bared his fangs once already, and the Tories must have been Bricking it. We did ponder in a previous post whether he was just doing this as a favour to the Labour Party, given he’s no friend of Brown’s. You can draw your own conclusions, but he followed up a pretty good speech by, um,  going on safari in Africa – almost appropriate, don’t you think?

When all is said and done, one thing is guaranteed. We’ll all be Bitching about the government whoever gets in. However, you won’t be allowed to unless you get your Backside to the Ballot box on May 6 and have your say….

Hum along now. “Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Down-ing Street…”


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